Author: Alex Thompson

Drinking Was Hard On My Marriage So Was Recovery.

I ate when I had to, sometimes drinking until 11 or 12 at night. My husband would hang in there for a few hours but would opt to give his lungs and liver a break and go inside to watch TV on the couch – like a normal person. We gladly paid upwards of $100 USD per person for 4-5 hours of unlimited drinks and buffets. There are people who do this every weekend, sometimes more.

At the same time, don’t give up hope—if both of you are truly committed to saving your marriage, building a new and healthy relationship is possible. Getting your marriage back on track after sobriety won’t be easy, but it can be done with hard work, patience, and communication. Professional help may also be necessary as you work to rebuild your relationship. After addiction, broken trust is likely to be the biggest obstacle to overcome in your marriage. For the recovering addict, this means absolute honesty is essential.

It was exhausting and a perfect recipe for further enmeshment. It was an emotional cat and mouse game more than a relationship. Couples are hurting, and marriages are dying at the hands of this ferocious disease.

1. Consider seeking mental health support for yourself.
2. Although recovery is positive for the whole family, it may not be as idyllic as you hope.
3. Nevertheless, their partners might resent a sober partner for things he may not even remember in the same case.
4. It is essential to fill the life of a former alcoholic with pleasant things, to try to help him not to make mistakes again.
5. Nevertheless, this is also a somewhat vulnerable period to both partners.

Visit the center and get help to save your marriage and family. It can also be challenging to deal with the negative impact addiction has on your relationship. Addiction often leads to financial problems, communication difficulties, and even infidelity.

What will happen to the relationship?

However, when a period comes when a person has become wholly sober and abstains from alcohol, some partners believe relationship problems will evaporate. Of course, in the first months, everything is fine. The partners are happy to be with each other and behave better than before. Nevertheless, this is also a somewhat vulnerable period to both partners. Each of the couples feels anxiety and is not sure about their future. Yet, there are numerous marriage changes after sobriety — this is a new springboard in a relationship.

I discovered that those traits were his innate qualities and not alcohol-induced. I knew that without it, he would eventually destroy our relationship and his life. We had a clear vision of our life together that had been interrupted by his substance use disorder. I was eager, at times perhaps too much, to get us back on track.

Marriage Changes and Rules After Sobriety

He didn’t try to step in and guide my recovery. But he listened and he tried to meet me where I was at. If I needed him to not drink in front of me, then he would.

Your partner may relapse one or more times before finally achieving long-term sobriety. Most treatment methods for substance use disorder involve the family. That means you will likely play a role in your partner’s treatment.

Treat the Marriage as a New Relationship

However, it’s not a cliché to say that our journey was far from linear. We both did a lot of work to disentangle, develop clear communication, and become mindful of ourselves and each other. Today, with 12 years of recovery, we have created a strong bond that respects our individuality, challenges us to grow, and supports our human fragility. When you and your spouse receive couples therapy for drug addiction together, you can address your individual issues and work together on the underlying problems. Social media is full of what I refer to as rainbows and cotton candy posts about sobriety from addiction.

Addiction Treatment Programs

If you continue to lie to or mislead your spouse, trust can never be regained. Sobriety means you’re as equipped as you can be to manage any outcome that comes your way. I don’t know of a single relationship problem that was solved by drinking.

I perceived him as an accomplished executive with a relational leadership style appreciated by his colleagues. It tortured me that he could not stop his drinking. Writing out how you feel is cathartic and helps you find the words to talk to your spouse. It may also serve to open the lines of communication damaged by months or years of anger and hurt. If the partner living with SUD hasn’t found healthy ways to cope with the trauma or PTSD, then it could begin to affect them in negative ways.

If the person with SUD suddenly isn’t dependent upon their partner to take care of them, this can cause a disruption in the relationship as well. The supportive partner may want to be needed, and feel unhappy, lost, or confused with the new relationship dynamic. Recovery can also sometimes uncover underlying mental health conditions that have contributed to substance use disorder. For example, up to half of people with substance use disorder have also experienced symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Consider seeking mental health support for yourself. A therapist can help you learn more about the role you may have played in a codependent relationship and learn healthier patterns. Working through the trauma of addiction will most likely require help from a professional. Seek couples counseling to learn communication strategies, address underlying issues in the relationship, and begin to heal your marriage. When you focus on marriage and sobriety, you can often become bogged down.

I don’t want to think about the small mortgage we pissed away on alcohol and cigarettes. In this country, getting wasted is a staple of Western expat life and we were eager participants. But still, we didn’t really know each other the way you’re traditionally meant to before you go and marry a person. I gave myself the gift of space to call my own. I soon realized that the studio allowed me to practice setting boundaries with Bill and provided me a safe place when our home became stormy.