Author: Alex Thompson

Bad Fathers: 9 Signs of Toxic Dads That Hurt Kids

He will often guilt trip his kids into doing whatever he wants to meet his emotional needs, which he is not capable of meeting for himself. For example, you may fall for someone that constantly wants her to prove you love them because this is what you are used to. Overly aggressive and controlling fathers are very good at over parenting and making unreasonable demands on their children.

You may struggle with intimacy or with being vulnerable. Children who have abusive fathers tend to grow up timid and fearful and prefer to be unnoticeable. This can be especially harmful to the children as they develop feelings of anger and bitterness as they have to act like the parent and take care of their father instead of doing what they want.

1. Substance use and alcohol use by parents and other family members can hurt children from development through adulthood.
2. Ultimately, your father had his own issues long before you and may not ever know or care enough to work through them.
3. Your parent may have promised to stop drinking time and time again, but they never do.
4. It’s normal to be concerned, but rest assured that your safety and needs are very important and you will not be left alone or neglected.

Here are the 9 signs that you are may have been (or are being) raised by a toxic dad. Did you ever experience a dysfunctional childhood or family? What would you suggest to alcoholic fathers or parents as solutions to their family problems?

Getting Professional Help

Still, it is much better to deal with it as soon as possible as remaining in that kind of relationship will chip away at your confidence, feeling of self-worth, etc. Ultimately, the main sign of a bad father is one that wants to control your life. Any sign of you becoming independent of them is a threat to their control and authority over you. Bad fathers see you as a possession and not an individual.

Substance use and alcohol use by parents and other family members can hurt children from development through adulthood. Oh, the nights when my alcoholic father drove my mother, my brother, and me home, he used to be so drunk. There were times that my mother would drive; however, that was a “put down” in my father’s eyes. He wasn’t drunk in his eyes, and was fully capable of getting us home. Another sign of a toxic father is one who is overly dependent on his kids. He may be dealing with depression, addiction, etc., and may feel like he needs his kids to better himself.

Caring for Your Emotional Health

The reality is that no one will seek help or try to change if they don’t want to themselves. If your father won’t accept treatment, you can’t force him to. BetterHelp offers affordable mental health care via phone, video, or live-chat.

My father was the one that would never admit he had a problem. Even after losing his leg, due to an ulcer that exploded in his stomach and the drunken car accident, which caused another ulcer to explode and eventually take his life. My brother’s bedroom was upstairs in our house and he was a sound sleeper, which meant rarely did he even know what was going on.

Does Alcoholism Increase Risks of Child Abuse/Abandonment?

If your father is struggling with alcoholism, he will have a harder time quitting or cutting back on alcohol than someone who binge drinks. People with alcoholism are dependent on alcohol, but not everyone who drinks heavily is an alcoholic.6, 14 About a third of American adults are considered to be excessive drinkers. The rest of the world is wrong so quick in accusing them.

If the police or child services interview you, make sure to be honest with them when they ask about the abuse so they can help keep you safe. As you recover from the abuse, try writing in a journal to process your thoughts. To learn how to embrace healthy relationships and avoid toxic ones, read more from our Counselor co-author. This may also make you (and your future children) feel that they only have one parent, even if the father is physically there in the house.

Growing Up

However, fathers of this toxic nature may not be aware that they act this way simply because they are not in touch with their feelings. Simply put, if your father is in this category, he will not want your or any of other his children doing “better” than him. Overly aggressive fathers often do not want to let go of their kids and want them to constantly depend on them. If a dad is always overly critical and aggressive or constantly showing that he is an “alpha male”, he often tends to need to control his spouse and their children. Fathers like this are rarely ever able to see the valid achievements of their children because they are so focused on controlling every situation and are often so hard to please.

Recognizing the long-term effects of growing up with alcoholic parents.

They will have a hard time setting healthy boundaries in future relationships and friendships because they have always played the caretaker role. This lack of boundaries can prevent them from having healthy relationships. There are an infinite number of responsibilities that come with being a parent. Because of the added pressure and stress, some dads may find themselves unprepared and don’t make the transition well from a single, fun lifestyle to fatherhood.

This is an incredibly toxic father, as naturally, his first love will be the bottle. Everyone else will come second to his addiction, particularly his own kids. Having a father addicted to alcohol, drugs, gambling, or any other vice, means that the chances of there being peace in the house are slim due to how disruptive he may become when he is drunk. Children with this kind of father often feel the need to constantly perform for their father’s attention and approval.